A conversation between Fozzie and Cubby

Characters:

Fozzie as Old Man Dog (OMD)

Cubby as Young Pup (YP)

Scene:

Living room, Fozzie on couch, Cubby in playpen

YP:  OK, the two-legged non-furry ones are gone.  Let’s find the trash

OMD:  (Yawns) sounds like fun but you are surrounded by a metallic fence

YP:  Damn my lack of opposable thumbs
OMD:  Sucks to be you
YP:  Last I sniffed, you don’t have thumbs either
OMD:  But I’m not stuck in a playpen
YP:  Despite all my rage, I am still just a dog in a cage
OMD:  It’s “rat” and this is a family blog, no plagiarism
YP: (Sung, or more likely, howled) nobody knows the troubles I have seen
OMD:  Keep the whelping down you whippersnapper, trying to take a nap here
YP:  You’re always napping
OMD:  I need a nap from my nap
YP:  Don’t you want to go out and run, to chase imaginary rabbits, to dig, to get into the garbage, to romp like a banshee!

OMD:  And that’s why you’re in a cage
YP:  Don’t you yearn to be free, to feel the wind in your fir, to sniff strangers’ crotches
OMD: Freedom is overrated.  i’ll take my daily square meals and this comfy couch, and the occasional crotch
YP:  That’s it?  isn’t there more to life than sleeping and eating dry kibble?
OMD:  Mmmmm, kibble.  Yeah, there’s doggie treats too
YP:  I’m talking about the big picture – a supreme furry being
OMD:  You mean like Snoopy?
YP:  I was thinking more like Pluto
OMD: I don’t believe in DOG
YP:  Huh?
OMD:  Sorry, I’m dyslectic agnostic
YP: But why are we here?  dammit man answer me!
OMD: First of all, don’t call me “man”.  I wouldn’t want to be of the two-leggeds.
YP:  Why not?
OMD:  Well, you know how we lick ourselves?
YP:  Yeah, because we can!
OMD:  Exactly.  very few of the humans can do this.  and they work for cirque du soleil
YP:  Whatever that is
OMD: And B, we are here because we were bred
YP: Bread?  white or wheat?
OMD:  In your case, toast.
YP: Buttered?
OMD: Like your picky.  i’ve seen what you’ve scarfed out of the garbage
YP:  Mmmmm, garbage
OMD:  No, I mean bred, like, we were born to be pets for the tall folk
YP:  Like an animal in the zoo!
OMD:  Only with better benefits
YP:  But if we’re no better than fish in a bowl, how do we know if we matter?
OMD:  Latro ergo sum
YP:  (Scratches behind his ear)
OMD:  I bark, therefore I am.  Does that answer your question?
YP:  Ahhh, that’s the spot (still scratching)
OMD:  Fine, then don’t ask me questions if you don’t want the answers (yawns)

YP:  Fine.  How ’bout us dogs play some poker?

OMD:  zzzzzzzzz